Cabin in the Woods!

----------------------Review by the Most Supreme Arch Deacon Greg Malcolm--------------------

  
          I will start out by saying if you have not seen this film, run---no!  Sprint!  Sprint out of your window and go grab a copy (preferably Blu-ray) and watch it.  Read no summaries.  Stop reading this one.  Go into this film spoiler free so that you can experience the movie as a whole and not be spoiled by crappy explanations by other people.  This movie is too good for that.

**********SPOILERS BEGIN HERE************************* 

            This review/critique will contain a gratuitous amount of *spoilers* solely because there is no point in discussing a film if you have to limit yourself and speak about specific moments of the film while containing yourself with vague explanations and hindering the entire process of properly reviewing the craft.  And I will not stand for that!

            Now to the meat and potatoes.  The blood and guts.  The shish and kabob.  The Cabin in the Woods.  The setting is impeccable and the audience is left noticeably aloof the entire time.  Not only is it brilliant Goddard and Whedon set this film in a way that expects the audience member to be clueless or draw horrid assumptions that makes one giggle when one thinks of how they came to that conclusion, but also it takes the Horror/Thriller genre in a completely different direction.  It’s a physical piece of brilliance and could be used to argue the point behind any and all horror movies.  Essentially, my favorite character is Mordecai.  This biblical inception creates the entire tone for the rest of the film.  Super creepy character, you half expect him to slit everyone’s throats standing there and have his family disembowel them one-by-one.  Instead?  Oh instead we are given a treat when the bosses tease and belittle him after he sends a bunch of teens running away towards their doom. 

            The menagerie of levels that this film is taking place on encompasses far more than just a horror flick.  Whether it is the stereotyped acting, which stoner comments on, or the way all of the monsters appear to be throwbacks to old school horror films (“Fornicus, Lord of Bondage and Pain” will reminded me distinctly of “Cenobites.” On top of that, the Old Gods complex which should be familiar to anybody reading this, to me emulated a new level of horror films that has rarely been breached in this day and age.

            A tad more visceral now, the acting was great!  I know what you’re saying, “Hey Greg!  GTFO!  It’s a horror film and they are supposed to act like idiots, poorly!”  To which I respond yes they do.  Except it isn’t poorly acted; rather the acting is exceptional.  Sure it sticks to horror standards like taking an obscene amount of damage and surviving (i.e. being ripped open by a lycanthrope of some type and surviving to speak patiently and smoke some bud on the stairs) as well as resigning the stupid horror movie moves (i.e. dropping the scythe, even if it was involuntary. STUPID STUPID STUPID!)  But the crux of the film revolves around people tricking these teens into behaving the way they do.  And they do indeed trick them.  These kids die all kinds of horrid ways, probably my favorite being by force field.  Who dies by freaking force field!  I mean seriously! Who does that!  But the acting itself is exceptional, if not stellar. 

            My favorite character for this film is the stoner.  Strictly because of the fact that whatever he is smoking is making him immune to the majority of their tricks.  Secondly, my favorite monster, since I know there will be arguments, is Fornicus, Lord of Bondage and Pain. 

            If this film is a cult-classic now, consider me hooked.  Because I can’t wait to take another spin through Cabin in the Woods, even with the Zombie Redneck Torture Family.